I’ve been podcasting for nearly 13 years, and I’m still working on finding my true voice.
Being genuine is one of the toughest challenges we face.
Oddly enough, it’s often easier to be fake.
We adopt roles, build facades, hide our true feelings, and mimic others—strategies that feel safe and familiar.
But these come with a steep price.
They can lead to depression, anxiety, confusion, emptiness, and, perhaps worst of all, the fear of being “discovered” as a fraud.
In a sense, inauthenticity helps us survive.
But it also drains the life out of us.
If you want to live a truly meaningful life and build real, fulfilling relationships, you must commit to being more authentic.
This means expressing your true thoughts and feelings.
Pursuing goals and experiences that genuinely matter to you.
And resisting the urge to censor yourself to keep the peace.
However, the tricky part is this:
When you try to be more “authentic,” it often can turn into just another act.
You might not actually be becoming more authentic.
You could be playing the role of someone trying to be authentic.
And that, ironically, is inauthentic!
So, how do you escape this paradox?
The key isn’t about adding more “authentic” traits to your personality but rather removing what’s not authentic.
Adding things — even the desire to be more real — usually ends up burying the true self even deeper.
But by stripping away what’s inauthentic, including techniques to seem more “real,” you automatically become more genuine.
(It’s like a Zen riddle from The Matrix: “The only way to bend the spoon is to accept there’s no spoon at all”.)
The takeaway is that authenticity is about subtraction.
As Miles Davis said: “If you don’t know what to play, play nothing.”
So, if you’re struggling to connect with your authentic self, try asking yourself a few questions:
- What social games can I stop playing?
- What techniques or concepts can I temporarily set aside?
- Can I step back from any goals, relationships, or situations that no longer feel right?
Then, pay attention to how you feel, how you act, how you show up in life.
You’ll know you’re on the right track if things start to feel lighter and more invigorating. Our sense of authenticity is pretty sharp.
Keep making choices that steer you in that direction, and they’ll lead to better and more enriching experiences.
Have you found this principle to be true in your world? Struggling to make use of it?
Leave a comment and tell me about it.
Want to work more on this with others? Join a Man Of His Word Mastermind Group forming now. Reply and I’ll give you the next step to join.
Strength and honor,
Dr Corey
*Taken and adapted from Jordan Harbinger
