This is something all too common in married life … when you’re sure you’re right about something, it’s easy to be a bit of a jerk about it.

Whether you’re arguing a point, debating a fact, or pushing for an opportunity, knowing you’re right (or thinking you are) can be a powerful feeling. It can make you feel vindicated, superior, and maybe even a bit inflated. Basically, feeling certain can turn even the nicest people into, well, a word even harsher than jerk.

But here’s the thing: if you can be gracious when you actually are correct, that will take you much further.

Leading with kindness and humility makes the process even sweeter. It doesn’t shame or diminish the other person. It doesn’t rub their face in the loss or create unnecessary drama. And it doesn’t turn your stance into a moment for ego-boosting, which is exactly what the ego wants to do.

If being classy isn’t enough motivation, here’s a more selfish reason: the kinder you are when you get your way, the more likely you are to get your way in the future. Why? Because treating people with respect creates trust, loyalty, and goodwill.

The next time you clash with someone you’ve tangled with before (i.e. your spouse), they’ll likely remember how you treated them and factor that into their response. Being kind when you interact lowers people’s defenses to the tension in the future. It makes them more willing to give room for your stance because they know it won’t come at their expense.

Have you found this principle to be true in your life?

Struggling to make use of it?

Tell me about it. I’m all ears!