For a long time, insults would land really hard on me. Whether it was a snide remark, a sharp jab, or a mean-spirited critique –those words hurt deeply, and would last a while.

I would replay a harsh comment in my mind for weeks or even months. Some comments would stick with me for years.

However, I began to notice something odd over time.

I didn’t feel compliments with the same intensity.

Sure, I appreciated them, and they gave me a brief lift, but they didn’t have the same impact as negative comments. In fact, I would often dismiss compliments while believing the negative ones!

So, why is it that negative comments seem to stick with us more than positive ones?

Well, our brains are wired to focus on negative information because it historically helped us survive. Think primal instincts here – negative information is often more urgent and requires immediate attention.

In today’s world, this means we might be more attuned to negative feedback, perhaps because it feels more crucial for our survival, or in today’s culture, our social standing.

Additionally, our minds are more likely to latch onto information that confirms what we already believe. So, if you’re already feeling down, insecure, or vulnerable, a negative comment will resonate more.

Positive comments, on the other hand, have a harder time breaking through our self-doubt and negative self-talk.

The best way to keep negative feedback from crushing your self-esteem isn’t to avoid the feedback but to work on your self-esteem itself.

It’s also important to balance how we receive criticism and compliments.

Many of us could benefit from focusing a bit more on positive feedback to counteract our tendency to dwell on the negative. However, we must be careful not to go too far and ignore all criticism, which can be just as problematic.

The goal is to let both positive and negative feedback influence us appropriately.

Let negative feedback sharpen us without making us fragile or depressed, and let positive feedback boost us without inflating our egos.

That’s the balance we need.

If you find yourself obsessing over criticism or having trouble accepting compliments, ask yourself:

• Why does negative feedback hit harder for you right now?
• If you took compliments as seriously as criticisms, how would you feel?
• Most importantly, what would you do with that information?

Have you noticed this in your life? Is it challenging to put this into practice?

I’m all ears!

*Taken and adapted from Jordan Harbinger

Want a space to work on this in the Fall? Man of His Word Mastermind Groups launch again in August. Stay tuned for more info.