Whenever people reach out about possibly working with me the number 1 question is what does working with me look like? The easiest answer to this question is a quick visit to this place – https://smr/fm/coaching
Here you will find who I work with most as well as rates a package information. Plus a button that you use to schedule a session.
The other question I hear as well is I’m not sure if this is for me – what is something to help me know what to work on?
The answer to this question varies to the uniqueness of each person and situation … but one almost universal thing that I keep seeing in clients and men in Mastermind Groups with me is the people-pleasing/over-apologizing tendency.
(***Joran Harbinger just wrote about this in his weekly newsletter and is paraphrased below)
Ever feel like you need to apologize for something you said or did? That’s totally normal and actually a good sign that you’re a well-adjusted person. Nice!
But if you catch yourself apologizing way too much, that’s a clue that something deeper might be going on.
So, what’s the deal with over-apologizing?
It can show up in different ways:
- Dragging out your apology with a bunch of unnecessary details and emotions.
- Apologizing multiple times even after the other person has already accepted it.
- Going overboard to make things right, like buying gifts or helping out excessively, even after being forgiven. Or maybe the opposite, like avoiding them to not offend them again.
These actions aren’t bad in small doses. If you feel like your initial apology didn’t quite hit the mark, it’s okay to revisit it. If you’re still feeling guilty, sharing those feelings and seeing if they’re justified can be helpful.
Doing something nice to make amends can be powerful too, especially if it’s directly related to your mistake. So, I’m not saying your apology should be quick and cold. Actions matter just as much as words.
But when you start to overdo it, it’s time to pause and ask yourself:
Why am I doing all this? What am I trying to achieve?
The quality of an apology comes down to your intention. If you’re putting in the extra effort to genuinely repair the relationship and make the other person feel valued, that’s great. But if you’re doing all sorts of things because you still feel guilty or fear they’ll leave you, your apology has other motivations. It’s less about them and more about you.
Which, let’s face it, isn’t really an apology.
If you tend to over-apologize, take a moment to check in with yourself. Notice the feelings that come up around the apology. Figure out your goals — are you trying to fix your own feelings, or are you truly aiming to make things right with the other person?
(Your feelings matter too, but they’re separate from the act of apologizing.)
Finally, think about what would happen if you didn’t add all those extra bits to your apology. What if you let a solid apology do its work and trusted the relationship to sort itself out?
- What feelings would you be left with?
- What would you expect from the other person?
- Would your apology mean something different?
Answering these questions can make your apologies more effective.
Plus, you’ll get clearer on what you need to bring to others and what you need to work through on your own. And that’s key for building great relationships.
Have you found this dynamic to be true in your life and relationships?
Tell me about it. I’m all ears!
Want to dig in even deeper? I’ve still got some coaching spots open for this summer.
Looking forward to working with you!
Strength and honor,
Dr. Corey
