The Power of the Candid Compliment

Post written by dates and romance columnist Sean Marshall of Family Rocketship.

Let’s go on a journey together.

Think back to the first time you saw your spouse. Where were you? What were you doing? Who were you with? Do you remember?

Now, think about what most impressed you about them at that moment.

Maybe she had a beautiful smile.  Maybe he had incredible blue eyes. Maybe it was her laugh. Maybe it was his dance moves.

With first impressions, it’s typically something physical that’s first appealing.

Now fast-forward just a bit to when you were dating. As you got to know your future spouse better, what impressed you? Was it her intellect? Was it his passion for the arts? Think about what really electrified you about your partner.

When dating, you’re constantly looking for the good in one another. It’s natural then, to share those observations in the form of compliments.

Maybe those compliments even came out in the form of frequent love letters, poems written just for them, or even singing telegrams.

In fact, the word “compliment” just doesn’t do justice to the lengths you took to make sure they knew you liked and admired them.

Then Comes Marriage…

After the honeymoon starts to make way for the routine of a normal life, somehow the love letters and the ballads start to decline. It’s natural.

But this is the key difference between having true romance in marriage or not.

Now, let’s think about the present. Think about your spouse. Think of all the great things he or she does. Really take time to see the things they do well.

Why Candid Compliments

I heard once that you should give your partner a sincere, genuine compliment at least once a day. It’s much easier said than done, that’s for sure.

I don’t feel it has to be every day. The last thing you want is another routine you have to follow. You don’t want giving compliments to be associated with heading off to work, taking out the garbage, and doing the dishes.

I think giving a real, meaningful compliment as often as you can is the best.

But why should we do this?

Reasons for Genuine Compliments

First, it’s all about taking the time. To give your spouse a genuine compliment, you’ve got to take the time to actually think about them. It requires you being mindful. It means slowing down from the normal routine of life and thinking about the person you’re sharing that life with.

Next, it requires looking for the good in them. Too often we get caught up in seeing all of the petty quirks that bother us about our partner. Leaving the cap off the toothpaste anyone?

By looking to share a compliment, we overlook the small things and focus on the important things.

Next, being able to give a solid compliment tells your spouse a lot of things. Obviously they hear the nice observation you just made but it goes deeper than that. It tells them you’re thinking about them. It tells them you’re focused on them. And that brings a level of satisfaction and deepens trust.

Finally and most importantly, it keeps you from taking your marriage for granted. By seeking to give a sincere compliment often, it will grow your admiration and love for each other.

Now as you go forward on your journey with your spouse, take time to remember why you love and admire them. And then tell them! Don’t keep those nice thoughts a secret!

What are your thoughts on giving compliments to your loved one?

 

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