Photo courtesy jonrawlinson
When it comes to a couple’s sex life, there are many things that will cause it to ebb and flow. Everyday stresses with work, kids, schedules, and household tasks are bound to take its toll on sex. With all the things that can preclude intimate moments together with your lover, let’s tackle some of the issues that may come up during the encounters.
Last week I took on my own gender and the mistakes men can make during sex. Now it’s the ladies turn.
And another word of warning, this post continues the “gutsy” approach to the topic by addressing things honestly. Adults only please.
1. Trading in hot momma for mommy. Motherhood does not make you celibate. Unless that is your conscious choice. While the rigors of being a mom can impact your sexual desires, it most likely doesn’t extinguish it. You need to nurture your sex life. Leave him and yourself little notes to discover during the day. Wear something sexy under your normal childcare uniform or business attire. Do something that helps you remember you are a sexual goddess.
Research has found that a happy and healthy marriage is the best thing you can do for your children.
2. Unresponsiveness in the sack. Sex with a corpse is not a good thing. Don’t just lie there. Get involved. Move. Make some noise. If sex isn’t pleasurable for you, what’s missing? Try different positions, or locations throughout the house. Whatever ignites things for you.
3. Not speaking up or being direct. Similar to men, women can fall victim to the idea that your partner will know or sense what’s going on with you. If something is going on you don’t enjoy, speak up. While it may dampen the mood, when you’re honest and communicate your needs, you get the chance to experience even more during sex together.Also, if he inquires about sex, be honest. There’s a big difference between saying flat out “no” and “not at the moment, but I could be enticed.”
4. Not owning your own body. What most men find as a lasting turn-on more than anything is how a woman carries herself. Her confidence. If you are always down on your body, you can do something about it by working out if you want. But one thing you can for sure do is learn to embrace the skin you’re in. Walk around naked. Have sex with the lights on. When you own your own body, you can flaunt one of your biggest assets, you!
5. Forgetting your feminine side. There are many roles women have thrust upon them today. Caretaker, mother, business woman, boss, manager, chauffeur, nurturer. One of the main roles sometimes lost in our society is that of Eve. The last of God’s creations! The manifestation of God’s beauty! Women are beautifully and wonderfully made. Don’t forget that Eve is the beauty in the story of life. Carry yourself as such, and don’t settle for being seen as less.
6. Insecurity towards other women. Similar to not owning your own body, being constantly threatened by other women is not attractive. Remember your husband chose you, so focus your energies on keeping his eyes on you. Learn to seduce him, tease him, tempt him.
7. Fear of your erotic nature. Many women may fear if they are erotic, they’ll come across as slutty or cheap. That may be just what he wants at times! Have the courage to let go once in a while. Be erotic. Play to his visual nature. Make him notice you. Get on top during sex. Take charge. As the Usher song states, be “a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.”
A common thought is that men are led by two brains. Don’t forget about his northern brain.
8. Not going down. There are some couples who fear oral sex. If you don’t like going down on your husband and he wants you to, have you talked about it? Share your thoughts, listen to his. Are there other things you could do? Sure there are, but blindly hoping they happen usually isn’t good for both of you. Speak up.
Incidentally, if you do go down, no teeth please!
9. Failure to initiate. The number one complaint I hear from men is this issue of their wife not initiating sexual encounters. Perhaps this is due to some of the other points previously made, or something different. When you’re interested in sex, let it be known. Even if he’s at work, send him an email disclosing what’s on your mind.
10. Slow down. Just like the advice for the men, slow down. Take your time together. Enjoy the moments you have together.