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Comfort Sex

comfortOne thing that separates humans from all other species is our ability to make meaning out of things.

The meaning we place on the things in our life are often more important than the things themselves.

It’s not money, it’s safety from poverty or a way to get what you want. It’s not just a job, it’s a calling or it’s a means to an end.

There is one area where meaning runs rampant … sex.

It’s how you express love, experience pleasure, demonstrate power, connect, bond, play, submit, manage anxiety, confirm your sexiness, and on and on.

So is it possible to have sex as a form of comfort during times of struggle and grief?

This is what Shannon and I explore more in this episode of Sexy Marriage Radio.

Episode 142: Comfort Sex

I wish you would stop …

lonelyEvery marriage, every relationship, is fraught with perpetual problems and issues.

It’s common that I will counsel a couple for several sessions, they reach their desired goals, and leave with renewed hope and energy for the marriage – then come back several years later still arguing about the same issues.

While each person has changed and gained (or lost) a few pounds and wrinkles, they’re still having the same argument.

Perhaps you’ve even seen this in your parent’s marriage, or in your grandparent’s. They fought about the same thing their entire life.

One of the leaders in the field of marriage research, John Gottman, states that the majority of marital conflicts are perpetual in nature. In fact, 69% of all marital problems fall into this category.

Now before this is totally deflating to you, hear me out.[Continue Reading...]

Marriage Help, When Your Spouse Isn’t Interested

I regularly receive emails from readers looking for help with a struggle in their marriage. They disclose the issues they are having as well as their desire to work on making things better.

The biggest reason many people in this type of situation fail to go to counseling is their spouse is uninterested in joining the process.

Perhaps they have tried counseling before and not seen any results. Or they may have no interest in counseling since it’s only for “crazy” people.

At least that’s what they think.

You want to work on the marriage, but your spouse isn’t interested in the route you’d prefer.

So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation?[Continue Reading...]

Enjoy life

I had this story sent to me recently. It’s worth sharing.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.

“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. . I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

“And after that?” asked the Mexican.[Continue Reading...]

Commit to a path

ecgOver the last several years I’ve invested a lot of effort in the area located between professional therapy in an office with a trained therapist and the information you would learn if you were to buy a book.

The picture in my mind is like creating the Legal Zoom of the mental health/marriage therapy world. This path has involved many failures, but also several successes. Simple Marriage definitely is among the successes, as is Blow Up My Marriage, SCORE, and He Said She Said to name a few more.

This summer I’m putting together all the successes in to one resource that takes all the information from the prior courses and condenses it in to one easy to use, self paced, fully supported eCourse that will breathe new life into your relationship – Married Life 911.[Continue Reading...]