Give Your OnlyHeart

onlyheartWhile the Christmas season is often an flood of consumerism and advertising, there is a time when the giving of gifts is a great way to demonstrate love.

When this someone is your spouse, how can you accurately demonstrate your feelings in a gift?

You likely can’t completely because love is an everyday action, not simply the giving of gifts, but there are times when a gift is appropriate, a reminder for each other, and/or a token of your life together.

So how do you find something unique and one-of-a-kind?

What if there were a gift that could only be given once – to only one person?

There is.


OnlyHeart is a once in a lifetime gift that can only be given to one special person, and never again to another.[Continue Reading…]

Oral sex: By him, for her

The following is the first chapter of a “How To” guide I’ve created on the topic of oral sex in marriage. This guide is included in Sex Like You’re On Vacation.

To be clear from the beginning, the ability to experience great sex is not discovered by following a step by step process.

If this were indeed the case then the magazines found in grocery store check out lines that share the latest tips to “go wild in bed” or “what every man really wants” would be the last magazine sold because everyone could simply follow the steps and have great sex.

No. Sex is more than technique. It’s more than an act.

It’s also more than intercourse.

Sex has its own elegance within marriage. Marital sex – the most important and only appropriate type, in my view – is powerful, chaotic, and wild. Sex is filled with spiritual and emotional energy. It’s the union of two beings and is referred in the Bible as “knowing” each other. “And Adam KNEW Eve his wife,” Genesis 4:1.

All this is to say that this little handbook is not intended to produce great sexual experiences in your marriage. Great sexual experiences are the result of couples learning how to truly LIVE in richer, more transparent, more thoughtful, passionate, playful and intentional ways.

What will follow is intended to educate you on the basics of sexual activities.

If your upbringing was anything like mine (raised in a conservative, fundamental Christian home) then your sex education was largely an unspoken expectation of “don’t do it until you are married.” So if you go through your adolescence with this looming expectation and guilt, then you say “I do” and the whole sexual world is supposed to be open to you, how do you discover all that this part of your marriage has to offer?[Continue Reading…]

The resent-repeat syndrome

familyIf you grew up in a family where you experienced injustice, abuse, or a sense of hurt, you’re at a high risk of developing a resent-repeat syndrome in your adult life.

You may end up repeating a familiar pattern from your past or you may go 180 degrees to an opposite pattern.

These actions result in your own children being deprived in a way that carries your emotional scars forward into the next generation.

The rule is this:

The more we resent something our parents did, the more likely we are either to unknowingly repeat it, or to try so diligently NOT to repeat it that we go to the opposite extreme.

Remember, 180 degrees from craziness is often another craziness.

[Continue Reading…]

Great Marriage Quotes

“To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.”
— Chinese Philosopher Lao Tzu

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
— Sam Keen

“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.”
— Joanne Woodward

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
— Will Ferrell

“I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them – it was that promise.”
— Thornton Wilder

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
— Robert Quillen

“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.”
— Joseph Barth

“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.”
— Martin Luther

“Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”
— Mark Twain

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”
— Zig Ziglar

“Marriage is a mosaic you build with your spouse. Millions of tiny moments that create your love story.”
— Jennifer Smith

“Nowadays it’s hip not to be married. I’m not interested in being hip.”
— John Lennon

“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.”
— Anne Taylor Fleming

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”
— Doug Larson

“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall back in love again.”
— Judith Viorst

“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.”
— Oscar Wilde

“As for his secret to staying married: ‘My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me.’”
— Jon BonJovi

“You come to love not by finding the right person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
— Sam Keen

“Love is not something you feel. It is something you do.”
— David Wilkerson

“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.”
— Robert C Dodds

“When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face.”
— Goethe

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
— Thoreau

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”
— Leo Tolstoy

“The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.”
— Sir Harold George Nicolson

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”
— Dave Meure

“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.”
— Sam Levenson

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.”
— Tom Mullen

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
— Theodore Hesburgh

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
— Mignon McLoughlin

“I first learned the concept of non-violence in my marriage.”
— Gandhi


The Minimalist Marriage

happycoupleI’ve been married to Pam for 21 years.

We’ve had our shares of ups and downs, but through it all, one thing remains very clear — when you can keep it simple, it allows the important to not get lost among the immediate.

If you boil down marriage and role it plays in life, it is personal development bootcamp.

Yes, it offers up happiness, pleasure, support and encouragement – but that’s not what it’s designed to do. At the end of the day, marriage is designed to help you grow up.

When you can see what happens in your relationship through that lens, everything changes.

In order to help you keep or create a minimalist marriage (where the important isn’t replaced with the immediate) here’s some thoughts I’ve learned thus far:[Continue Reading…]