Wanna know the biggest marriage killer?
fusion: (noun) The process or result of joining two or more things together to form a single entity.
In a fused system there is no “I”, only “we”.
There is an expectation that everyone should think alike, behave the same, have the same opinions, and want the same things. It’s assumed that each member of the system will be there to meet the needs of the other member. And, in this type of system, the neediest and/or most anxious members of the system will dictate how much pressure there is to conform and sacrifice self in a “Borg-like” manner.
In a fused relationship system, your options for getting your needs met are limited to the people within the system, or to the ways people in the system approve of (read that again).
The more both you and your spouse create a fused system, the more dependent you become on each other and the less time you have to do things outside of the relationship that you find fulfilling.
To break free of fusion you must grow up.
And growing up involves creating and following your own passions, as well as your relationship passions. [Read more…]