The resent-repeat syndrome

familyIf you grew up in a family where you experienced injustice, abuse, or a sense of hurt, you’re at a high risk of developing a resent-repeat syndrome in your adult life.

You may end up repeating a familiar pattern from your past or you may go 180 degrees to an opposite pattern.

These actions result in your own children being deprived in a way that carries your emotional scars forward into the next generation.

The rule is this:

The more we resent something our parents did, the more likely we are either to unknowingly repeat it, or to try so diligently NOT to repeat it that we go to the opposite extreme.

Remember, 180 degrees from craziness is often another craziness.

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Entitlement in Marriage

My main belief is that marriage is designed to grow us up.

If you look at married life this way, you’ll see that growth comes from the pressure a relationship with a spouse creates. Pressure to chart your own course in life and be your own person while at the same time pressure to connect with your spouse and enjoy the benefits marriage has to offer.

Many people fall victim to believing marriage is about happiness.

That you will meet your soul mate, fall madly in love, have a romantic wedding then be swept off into a rose petal covered existence together for the rest of your life.

This Hollywood version of marriage is everywhere … that’s reel-life, not real-life.

Marriage is not about happiness (although there are times of happiness within the relationship), it’s about growing up. And this all starts at the beginning of the relationship and the beliefs you bring into it. [Read more…]

Marriage Made Easy With The 6 C’s

chemistryRemember when you first met your spouse?

It may have been one of those fairy-tale moments.

Everything around you faded into the background and the only thing that existed was them. You mustered up the courage to introduce yourself and your relationship was born.

Or it may have been a friendship that eventually transitioned into a romance.

Regardless how it began, married life is different than dating.

And nothing can really prepare you for marriage, but marriage.

Marriage may be the most difficult thing in your life – it can also be the best thing in your life – likely both.

I’ll let you in on a secret – I believe it’s designed that way! [Read more…]

Create More Intimacy In Your Marriage

intimacyOne of the major things marriage provides is it’s the best chance to create an intimate connection with another person.

It’s part of marriage’s elegant design.

You and your spouse can create an entire part of life that only the two of you know about.

Yet, this intimate connection is also a source of major frustration.

Why?

Because the marriage of your dreams is very likely not the marriage of your spouse’s dreams!

One of the hurdles to creating a close intimate connection with your spouse is an unrealistic togetherness expectation.

Stated another way, this is idealized or fantasy togetherness.

In my mind – expectations are really planned disappointments.

So what expectations did you bring into your marriage?

You and I both have them.

Here’s a list of common ones: [Read more…]

Two Are Becoming One

two-piecesOver the past three years I’ve had two main home-bases in the online world, Simple Marriage and Sexy Marriage Radio. While each of these resources has a goal of helping to improve the married lives of all those who frequent the sites, it also means quite a bit of time is necessary to keep multiple sites up to date and running smoothly.

As each site has grown and expanded its reach it has become clear to me that there is quite a bit of overlap between the two.

Simple Marriage seeks to offer help for the main areas where couples often find difficulty: communication, money, sex, intimacy, parenting and roles, just to name a few. Sexy Marriage Radio offers a weekly show aimed at helping married couples heat up their bedroom in a good way, as well as offering ideas and solutions to the many issues couples face in their sex life.

It only seems fitting that these two paths which overlap so well should also be blended in to one site.

Starting today the two are becoming one, but only to a point. The goal of Simple Marriage as well as that of Sexy Marriage Radio remains the same – working to create marriages that don’t simply survive, but thrive. Only now both these sites have been blended to create a more simple, easy to use and ultimately more effective resource. [Read more…]

Me vs. We


You walk in the door and are greeted with… “Honey, we need to talk about a few things.”

If you’re human, your insides immediately tighten and your defenses prepare for battle.

It’s a common occurrence.

Your spouse tells you what’s going on with them and you react.

The status quo is being threatened and while you may have grown tired of the relationship routine as well, your reaction is anything but open to their perspective.

Why is it that when an important person in our life (i.e. spouse) shares something and we disagree, it’s more likely to turn into World War 3 than a honest discussion?

It’s due to the fusion fantasy – or the belief that marriage is two people becoming one symbiotic entity. The Bible even alludes to this point…“and the two shall become one.”

While I understand this sentiment, the lens needs to be slightly adjusted.

Marriage is a symbiosis. But this relationship is not intended to produce happiness or wedded bliss.

It’s the mechanism to produce better people.

Marriage is a people growing machine. That’s the way it’s designed. The two becoming one concept in the Bible is more about the sexual union and creation of a family than each spouse giving up their individual identity and only being a married couple. [Read more…]