Break free from monotony

The alarm goes off, you get ready for the day. Get the rest of the house up, kids out the door to school, head off to work. Get your job done. Battle traffic. Eat dinner. Go to the kids practice. Get them in bed. Watch a little TV. Go to sleep.

Repeat …

Repeat …

Repeat …

It’s no wonder that months pass and you look back and wonder where all the time went.

This also is what contributes to many marriages becoming more like a relationship between roommates than lovers.

So how does this happen so easily?

Largely I think it comes down to expectations and story.

Modern Americans bring to their marriages the most over-stuffed bundle of expectations the institution has ever seen. We expect that our partner will not merely be a decent person, but will also be our soul mate, our best friend, our intellectual companion, our greatest sexual partner and our life’s complete inspiration. Nobody in human history has ever asked this much of a companion. It’s a lot to ask of one mere mortal, and the inevitable disappointments that follow such giant expectations can cripple marriages. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Think of it this way:

There are no boring marriages, only boring people.

The biggest killer of passion in marriage is all the meaningless time spouses spend together. And this type of tensionless coexistence defines many marriages today.

To break free of this monotony you need to live an interesting, fulfilling life beyond your intimate relationship.

Sure there are times when a spark can be found within the relationship that takes things to another level. But most often, the path to a better, more passionate marriage begins with the people involved living better, more passionate lives.

Great marriages are the result of two mature, grown up people – both living full, satisfying lives – cooperating with each other to get their needs and wants met. In this kind of differentiated relationship, each spouse complements the other, but doesn’t complete them.

So my dear friends, live a great story and your marriage will follow.

(photo source)

Married Life 911 is now available!

ecgRight now, our newest online relationship course is available, Married Life 911.

I want to personally invite you to take advantage of this course, especially since it’s being offered this time only for $150 (which covers both you and your spouse).

Let’s put this into perspective …

How much you’d spend:

Working with a counselor for a couple of months = $1,200ish
Taking a different marriage course online or DVD = $477
Attending a marriage workshop or retreat = $250

OR you can

Join Married Life 911 = $150 (this time only)
Married Life 911 PLUS three private coaching sessions with me = $430 (this time only)

Again … this is the only time this course will be available at this price.

Enrollment ends soon so join within the next several days!

See you inside!


How Do You Get In Your Own Way?

What's your view?How many times do you find yourself doing something you’ve told yourself you were going to stop doing?

Eating that dessert, smoking, turning to porn, gossiping, or whatever it is that brings you struggle.

One thing we often say to ourselves when it comes to our vices, “I feel guilty about ________, but it is just so hard to quit.”

If we keep telling ourselves it’s hard to quit, it will be.

Let me explain.

The mind always believes what the mind tells itself is true.

Therefore, if our mind tells us that quitting is hard, it will be hard. And since our mind strives for consistency of belief and action, telling ourselves that quitting is hard means we won’t quit.

A “belief” is just an “oft repeated thought”.

If the mind thinks something often enough or long enough — whether it is factually true or not — it will come to believe it’s true.[Continue Reading...]

You Are Already In The Right Relationship

What does healthy growing up look like in marriage?

There are two challenges or dilemmas that have major roles in relationships.

The emotional reactivity/rationality challenge and the togetherness/separateness dilemma.

These two forces intermix in various and subtle ways to shape your relationship.

The togetherness/separateness force is a natural force much like the need plants have for sunshine or water. Every plant requires a certain level of sunlight for healthy development — too much sunshine will kill the plant and too little sunshine will lead to the plant’s death.

Marriages are the same in terms of togetherness and separateness. Too much togetherness or too little togetherness, depending on each individual’s need, will influence the health of the relationship.

When people need more togetherness than their spouse provides, they are more likely to be emotionally reactive and become less rational. When people need more separateness than their spouse provides, they will invent ingenious ways to achieve separateness.

Problems often arise when one wants (needs) togetherness at a time in which their spouse wants (needs) separateness.[Continue Reading...]

Real Beauty

You have probably seen this video before, but it is worth showing again.

Do women see themselves less accurately than strangers do? Dove”s Real Beauty campaign says yes — and offers proof, in the form of forensic sketches.

Dove recruited seven women of different ages and backgrounds and had FBI-trained forensic artist Gil Zamora create composite sketches of them based on descriptions of their own descriptions of their facial features.

Earlier in the day, the women had been asked to spend time with strangers, though neither party was told why. These strangers were later brought one by one into a room with Zamora and asked to describe the women who had been sketched earlier. The two resulting drawings of each woman were then hung side-by-side — and the contrast is pretty stark.

The takeaway from this campaign: “You are more beautiful than you think.”