Simple Marriage | Get More From Marriage

January 6, 20090

Late last week I was going through my Google reader and came across a post from Hayden of Through The Illusion. In this post Hayden was reacting to a post she read from Steve Pavlina and his wife’s decision to explore the realm of polyamory in their marriage. For those who not familiar with this term, polyamory is the practice or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of all involved.

Since I had not read Steve’s writing, I headed over to the source to get everything first hand.

It turns out that in his initial post he discloses his intention of focusing on his intimate relationships in 2009 - namely his desire to no longer limit himself to one person in his intimate relationships. To that end, he introduced the idea of polyamory.

My first thought as I read was that he is tired of his current marriage and he wants to open it up in order to avoid divorce - a fact he confirms in his next post.

Popularity: 1% [?]

January 6, 20094

How “I Remember When…” Is A Major Pitfall In Marriage

Photo courtesy circo de invierno ~

Think back to the time when you first laid eyes on your spouse. Can you remember the scene? What they were wearing. What you said. Their response.

It’s probably safe to assume that most of this memory is intact. This could also be said about the high points of your marriage thus far. If you sift through your memories of your relationship with your spouse, I bet there are many good things that come to mind. The vacation you spent together on the beach. The time when you were both laughing so hard you cried. The memorable sexual experiences. The deep connections.

With all these thoughts that stand out, it’s no wonder that when the routine of marriage and life overtakes you, you long for ways to recapture the way things used to be. “If only we could get back to the way things used to be” is a very common thought.

Popularity: 2% [?]

January 4, 20091

The Toddler Laws in Marriage, 6 Ways to Have an Adult’s Only Marriage In 2009

Originally posted on February 6, 2008.

A two year old lives in my house (pictured above and now a three year old, but the rules still apply). While she offers a tremendous amount of joy and energy for our household, she carries with her a few laws that determine how she lives. She expects everyone else to know and abide by these laws as well. Anyone who has lived with a two year old knows the Toddler Laws:

If I like it, it’s mine.
If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a while ago, it’s mine.
If it’s mine, it must not ever appear to be yours in any way.
If I’m doing or building something, all of the pieces are mine.
If it looks like mine, it’s mine.
If I saw it first, it’s mine.
If you’re playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it’s broken, it’s yours.

One of the most primitive drives within us is best summed up in the words “I love me”. My wife and I jokingly refer to this as, “it’s all about me.” This drive has allowed humans to survive. To remain on the top of the food chain. Freud called it the “ID.” And it still drives our consumer culture today. It impacts marriages as well, although not towards marital thriving.

Popularity: 4% [?]

January 2, 20091

What Are Your Marriage Commandments?

Of the many blogs I regularly read, there are a couple that I truly love. Gretchen of The Happiness Project just posted Four Tips For Writing Your Personal Commandments. Leo of Zen Habits then followed her lead by posting his Four Commandments.

So how do you do this for marriage?

It may be difficult for some to come up with a list, but having to create something together may be completely different, even difficult. You have to create something that captures both your individual commandments and those of another.

To start, what are your commandments? This isn’t an easy question. We all have many ideals we live by, but what are the core few? Check out the previous posts mentioned above for more guidance.

Here’s mine: slow down, be present, follow my passion, laugh.

Now to apply this to my wife’s and thus create our marriage commandments.

Here’s what we’ve come up with.

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December 31, 20080

Simple Marriage Year In Review

Photo courtesy ckelly

What a year! It has been amazing to watch this little project take off. A huge thank you for your readership in 2008.

I hope that the goal of simplifying marriage in order to get more out of it has helped you as much as it’s helped my wife and I. Plus, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading Simple Marriages each week as much as I’ve enjoyed your contributions to the discussions.

First a bit of housekeeping, the Simplify In 2009 Giveaway winner is Sean Bossinger. Congratulations Sean!

Second, as we head into 2009, let’s take a quick look at the top 10 from this past year.

Popularity: 5% [?]

December 30, 20083

12 Ways To Have An Unhappy Marriage In 2009

Photo courtesy ValerioY2K

Originally posted on May 1, 2008.

If you go to your local Barnes and Noble, or whatever bookstore you frequent, usually somewhere in the middle of the store you can find a relationships and marriage section. This area is often filled with everything from Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts to How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It.

With all the information out there regarding how to have a successful marriage, what makes the principles so hard to incorporate and apply? Granted, marriage is not so easy that there is a definitive formula that everyone can follow to discover a marriage out of this world. It still requires work and there will still be struggles.

A lasting marriage can be attained and it’s simpler than you think.

Beyond the idea of simply creating a marriage that lasts there is the joy and pleasure a marriage fully alive can provide for both participants. There are no actual steps that everyone can follow to an extremely happy marriage, but there are some sure fire ways to create an unhappy marriage.

Popularity: 9% [?]

December 29, 20084

Where Are You Going In 2009?

Photo courtesy fmc.nikon.d40

This is a re-post from earlier this past year, but it’s worth the read again as you enter into the new year.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.

“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. . I have a full life.”

Popularity: 9% [?]

December 24, 20082